Monday, January 16

Ok, let’s do this insanity.

Lemon water is steeping.

Juice is juicing.

And my big why has… well, why’d:

I want lightness of body and spirit to spark the energy and desire to explore my creative hobbies in order to bring more beauty into the world.

But before lightness of the detox can come, conversations need to happen because I need the forgiveness of my family for abandoning them 15 years ago.

I never intended to stay here. But I saw the potential, the possibilities, my own growth.

New friends and marathons and a great job.

A supportive husband.

A beautiful soul-soothing home.

Life long friendships and music and mountains.

Sweat and muscle and breath.

Vibrant health.

Blooming.

Long Island was a cage.

Stifling.

Angry.

Shrouded in dark and bitterness.

It flowed through my veins. Made me part of it. Frightened me. Trapped me. Held on so tightly that I was physically sick as I drove away.

But the switch flipped and I missed none of it.

Except my family. I left them abruptly. Cut off weekends of dancing and laughter, and hours-long dinners, and Sunday mornings at church.

Selfish.

Inconsiderate.

Traitorous.

I can’t even imagine what those first hours, days, weeks of my absence were like for them.

So much heartbreak. So many tears.

Anger?

Resentment?

Am I forgiven? Can I be? Should I be?

Is my success enough of a reason to inflict so many wounds?